We recently cancelled our pay television service because we have watched approximately 90 minutes of live or time-shifted TV1 in the last six months and six months’ worth of subscription fees amortizes extremely poorly2 over 90 minutes of programming. This isn’t a knock against our former pay-television provider, which has always provided a good product at a competitive price with excellent and friendly customer service; it’s just that theirs is a product that we don’t wind up actually using often enough to justify a continued subscription.
As you might expect, I had to address a friendly customer service representative’s numerous scripted objections, discount offers, and repeated suggestions that I just put the service on hold and cool off for a while before doing anything rash, all before I could get the cancellation processed in the first place. However, I was surprised that they’ve called me twice in the last week with special offers to try and get me to sign on again. I sincerely appreciate such aggressive customer-retention efforts, but this is quickly becoming more awkward than a teenaged breakup.
1 I am not counting the half of the Timberwolves-Clippers game that I mostly slept through while recovering from one of our many kindergarten-originated stomach bugs, since I was in such bad shape that it may as well have been a test pattern. Furthermore, we have watched DVD movies, iTunes content, Netflix streaming, etc.; I am emphatically not questioning the utility of the television itself.
2 I’m actually having trouble coming up with a way to spend more money on less entertainment without being deliberately wasteful, like buying recently released video games and grilling them, unopened, over direct heat.