free variable

The terrible events of September 11, 2001 were merely a pretext to pull the wool over our eyes — so that POWERFUL FORCES can impose their will on the people. These forces will use war, genocide, and pestilence as misdirection, as they architect a terrifying new order for society. They want to level the playing field, creating a radical anarchosyndicalist culture in which they alone are above all other “equal” men and women. They want to force everyone to participate in silent, unprogrammed worship services in which they claim to divine the will of God. They often speak an archaic language with unfamiliar pronouns, and eschew high fashion in favor of “simple” (religiously-motivated) garb.

Who are these forces? They are the Quakers, stupid!

Not every American yet knows that when grammar school children say the “Pledge of Allegiance” they are secretly pledging allegiance to a QUAKER FLAG. (It was designed by sinister Quaker operative Betsy Ross.) The United States is merely a STAGING GROUND for the NEW QUAKER WORLD ORDER, and it has been from the beginning.

What do all of the following people have in common?

1. Richard Nixon (despite the Quaker-controlled media reports of his death, he is currently directing black helicopters from a vault in Yorba Linda, CA)
2. Judi Dench (who has controlled the most elite agents of the British Secret Service since 1995)
3. George and John Cadbury (whose candies rot the minds of the Amerikan sheep-people, making them more susceptible to outside control)

Give up? They’re ALL QUAKERS! Were that not enough to make your skin crawl, you should examine the terrifying connection between the following public figures:

1. linguist and hackneyed demagogue Noam Chomsky
2. media operatives Donny Deutsch, Candice Bergen, Joe Klein, Andrea Mitchell, Wolf Blitzer, P.J. O’Rourke, and Stephen Glass (the latter took a fall for the group)
3. NYC Mayor Michael Bloomberg (hmmm, what did HE have to gain from 9/11???)
4. politicians Spiro Agnew, Madeline Albright, and Woodrow Wilson
5. SAUDI AMBASSADOR TO THE U.S. Bandar bin Sultan, whose involvement in 9/11 is beyond dispute

Not seeing the connection? Every member of this group is an alumnus of one of the “Quaker madrassas:” JOHNS HOPKINS UNIVERSITY and the UNIVERSITY OF PENNSYLVANIA. (Johns Hopkins and William Penn? Both QUAKERS.)

Less than one one-hundredth of a percent of the world’s population is a member of the diabolical “Society of Friends.” To have this many “Friends” and “Friend” operatives in positions of power is thus BEYOND COINCIDENCE. (I have the chi-square table to prove it.)

Clearly, they control the media and the currency markets, but perhaps less obvious is that they also have their simple, peaceful fingers in every level of government. Furthermore, they control the nation’s oat supply.

Is it a coincidence that we haven’t heard much from noted Quaker shill WILFORD BRIMLEY lately? Sure, he’s ostensibly hawking — or should I say “chicken-hawking?” — low-cost glucose test strips to senior citizens, but I know the truth. Liberty Medical is selling mind-control juice to America’s Greatest Generation. In fact, the current putative Brimley is nothing more than a clever automaton — a bomb-strapped Brimley brought down Flight 93, because a “meeting” of Quaker operatives needed to create more confusion.

These Quaker warmongers (I call them “thee-thou-cons”) will stop at nothing to make their terrible goals a reality. They are silently “waiting on the Spirit” before making the next move in their horrific plan. WAKE UP, AMERICA!!!1!

Start asking questions. WHY have the Quaker roots of the aforementioned covert operatives been glossed-over and hidden by the Quaker-owned media? WHY does the Quaker banking system lend money at different rates to different clients? HOW have we allowed the wool to be pulled over our eyes by these so-called “Friends?”

Notice how the USDA food pyramid changed without warning, to include “more whole grains?” To figure out the reason behind this rash and unprecedented change, we must consider: what is the most widely-available whole grain? You got it: oats. The thee-thou-con conspiracy to control the oats means that there is another delicious vector for Quaker mind-control. DON’T BE A SHEEP. (OR, DO BE A SHEEP BUT ONLY INASMUCH AS SHEEP EAT GRASS INSTEAD OF OATS.) The “Friend” junta has recently gained control of the majority of the barley trade as well, meaning that even an innocent purchase of “all-American” beer is supporting the thee-thou-con cabal.

Get ready, America. Ignore my evidence at your own peril.

Note: the above is satire. See the comments attached to this post for its referent. I have no evidence that any person or corporation named in this posting is actually part of an evil Quaker conspiracy, or, indeed, that such a conspiracy exists…yet.